I think I am going to call the RSPCA if Mum dances with me again, she goes bonkers!

Lola thinks she is -umbo the flying elephant.

I think I am going to call the RSPCA if Mum dances with me again, she goes bonkers! Well, sometimes I think Mum is off her rocker. The other day she put on a song called Lola by the Kinks, recorded in 1970, so I don't expect many people who are still alive from then, except Mum. Even turned the volume up like a million decibels, and I tried to run into the garden, but she grabbed me, pulled me to her chest and grabbed my right leg and stuck it out at 90 degrees, (it's not designed to do that) and then danced me around the room. Over and above that, she started singing like mega loud in my ear. Talk about feeling embarrassed, and I am so glad Martha, my doggie dating friend, was not around. She said she liked music with a bit of rhythm, not this waltzing they do on Strictly. She reckons they look like a pair of swans and expect they end up in A&E with neck injuries. Human necks are not designed to be pulled out of the vertebrae and then thrown back as though their dancing partner has bad breath. I asked her what about my leg? She grabbed me again twirled it around 180 degrees and said nothing wrong with it, don't be a wimp.

 Oh boy, Donald (not duck), the other Donald, the one who is in charge of the USA. He caught COVID-19 this week, and so did his wife, Melena, I think that is her name. Donald went into a Military Hospital for treatment, he must have been very ill, but he did not stay long. It seems like the disinfection worked quickly. Mum has a few bottles because she sprays it where I wee in the house, so we will be able to start treatment pretty quickly.

  Lolo reckons she can sort COVID-19 out without using disinfection, just give her 1 rounds in the cage with her!

Not much to report this week, I have put on a couple of pounds, Mum says I feel full of muscles, and she may put me up for the ladies rugby team.

Mum invites me to her NHS meeting, she wants me to learn how it works, I told her I had my eyes shut, BUT I was listening.

I nearly forgot many people have written in to ask where Mum gets my raw food from, its called Honey's Raw Food AND you will get a free tin of Beautiful Joe’s ethical dog treats. Tell the lovely ladies at Honey's that Lady Lola told you and I will get a cut. Thanks. 

 Sorry, my blog is late this week, I have just been too busy playing, oh so much stress! Destressing after a day of playing.

Mum says if I waggle my bottom any more when I first see her in the morning it will drop off, and I will be left in two halves.

I love it when Mum goes to her office. I am allowed to lie in a bed under her desk. I am not allowed in there unless she is there. She says in case I have my bowels opened, an extraordinary way of saying I might do big jobbies. Mum who was a nurse tells me that's the right way to say it. 

  Me writing my blog

Anyway, I was going to mention a conversation I overheard with Mum and Aunty Jan when I was under the desk. They were discussing what food I should go on, and Aunty Jan said she fed her dog, Millie, on raw food that she buys from ............, I am not going to say as they may not like it if hundreds of people start buying their food! And there is none left for Millie and me. Mum told me if we did say their name we may get a commission, free dog food for Millie and me! Mum was very keen to put me on raw food because she thinks she is a Lifestyle guru and said that people that eat processed food (like dogs kibble) means people get ill with lots of different diseases. Remember Mum is a nurse, well a retired nurse. I do love my raw food; it makes me feel like an ancient warrior dog hunting rats and rabbits. Mum said hang on there Lola you don't get rats in you packaged food, only British organic chicken, turkey and beef etc. The book Mum read stated that I don't have a smelly poo, that's right. My teeth and gums will not get so much plaque. "a sticky, colourless or yellow film on my teeth." it's alright for humans they can have dentures when they get old. Mum said she thinks Mr SuperVet what's his name - Bionic Brains Fitzpatrick fellow can replace any part of a dog, bugger plaque.

   My meeting Rufus, big, black and beautiful

Oh, I have been to the beach with Mum this week. WOW, so many people and dogs and birds. Mums said I went B A L L I S T I C. She whistled, screamed my name and rattled her tin of my treats, but I just kept going. She had read where a puppy of my age should only exercise for 15 minutes a day. 15 minutes, no way! I had enough playmates there for a week. N O T H I N G was going to stop me. Did you see the picture of Rufus and me, he was big, beautiful and black. Mum said it must have felt like her looking up the trouser leg of the Jolly Green Giant. 

   Me going BALLISTIC on the beach

I am now 12 weeks plus and still growing. Mum says I look like a wheelbarrow as my back legs are growing so fast.

I went for my 12-week injection yesterday, K promised that my feet could soon touch the ground for a walk on the beach, but my Vet said another 72 hrs! I can't wait to get to the beach and meet other dogs.

       Getting ready for my feet to touch the ground, my new harness!

I did not think much of that soon got my feet out.

I am fed up with K saying ouch every time I bite her. I did give her a fair bite on her little toe the other day and my my it did bleed. She had to put her foot in saltwater while we were watching the TV so she did not get an infection. She says I am like "Jaws", with shark-like sharp teeth. K says because of the pandemic, everyone has to wear masks, and they look so funny. At the vets, I had to wait in the car park for my Vet. When my turn came, K was so pleased to see Vet L. She likes her, and they seemed good friends. Vet L had looked after Missie, K's last dog, a border terrier, who's dead and buried in the garden, I am sure I can smell her by the pond. Anyway, Vet L took me away into her room and inspected me, weighed me and gave me an injection. I was there for ages. All the staff came in for a cuddle and also got a little bite, ouch! They seem to think I was cute. 

 When I was sitting on K's lap having a quiet cuddle she told me about the pandemic. K said she was very, very angry with those people from across the other side of the world because she caught the virus and was very, very ill. Its name is COVID19; I am glad I am not called that, not at all a sexy name like Lola. K was also nearly pulling her hair out when she said that "those" people eat any animal that could walk, fly or swim, and COVID 19 lived in bats and have now crossed to humans. They put animals in filthy cages, and "those people" are insensitive and very cruel. K said that they even eat dogs now. I am also getting angry. I won't be going there on holiday when I grow up. She noted that scientists have said that dogs can even catch Covid19. That's not on. I would look silly in a mask. 

     Yes, I think I am love already.

I have not seen K get so angry before, (only when I bit her hard), as thousands of people in the world have now died. K said that it looks like we are going into another "lockdown". She put her hands over my ears because she uses some disgusting words, (even with my ears clamped I could hear) and says we would have to stay at home again. BUT, the last lockdown dogs could get two walks a day. K wants me to be a marathon dog soon so we can walk from 7 till 11 am and 1 till 5 pm, that's two walks, dinner then bed. Sounds good to me. 

     Yep, I an't going to be a lockdown dog I am ready for my two marathon walks. 

Oh, last night Boris gave a "speech to the nation" about the next lockdown. Mum has stopped listing to him, she said if she could find a cell big enough she would put overweight Boris and Mr Wankcock in it and throw away the keys. I asked who was Mr Wankcock was? Mum said she did not say Wankcock, she said Hancock, and he looks after the NHS. Under her breath heard her say "um yes but it's all the same thing". Mum said she would only unlock the cell when those two had more women around the cabinet table. Those men don't understand things like women. Balance around the cabinet table is what's needed; I don't know why they just don't put some bits of wood under the table if it's wobbling.

Hello, Lady Lola here, I am a Border Terrier

Eleven weeks and still growing.

Hello Everyone, Lady Lola here, but you may call me Lola. My real Mum (my dog Mum) is Lady Bella, I heard her  tell her new friends, " but you can call me Bella." So you can call me “Lola”. I was one of 5 puppies born on the 24th June 2020; I mentioned that because I would like everyone to send me a birthday greeting on the 24th every month! That's how we dogs do it. Anyway, I was Mum's third litter. I was born with five brothers and me, the only bitch, that's not rude that's what they call girl dogs, Mum said because it was the third time having a litter of puppies she is finding it more comfortable and she has NEVER had to have a midwife called to her giving birth. She sounded proud of that. However, S was at hand to put us in a blanket and wipe us down. 

            Me when I was born. K says it looks like I had a sunburned nose.

                                       

I don't remember much of my first few weeks, but with five brothers I expect I had quite a fun time playing and sleeping. My Dad S sold me, for a lot of money because I have a very famous dog dad. He is a stud and has walked around Crufts showing his stuff off, and he quite likes the ladies! My new human parents got fed up with me weeing in the house, and sometimes I did big jobbies, what do they expect!  Human babies wee & poo in the nappies until they are five years, I think. S says I must never mention those two by name because he might get sued and was not going to pay lawyers lots of money to let them buy another Porsche! 

Oh, I loved to be back home with S and Mummy Bella and my sister Lady Roma and grumpy old Ambrose, who nearly bit my head off, lots of times. 

   My Mum Lady Bella ( the big one) and my sister Lady Roma

I was only home with Mum and Roma for two days before S sold me again to my new human Mum K. Mind you, S did give the money back to the old owners, so he did not get two lots of cash, S is a sincere man. I remember it was a Sunday and S was getting worried about letting me leave home, again.  He said he would keep me, but he already had Mum and Roma and grumpy Ambrose. K and Aunty J arrive about lunchtime, and by then, I was very tired of playing with Sister Roma all morning. 

                                               Me with Aunty J just before I left for Devon

So I was put in a cage for the long journey to the West Country, S was very excited that I would be living near the beach, he said he wished he was going to the beach with me. On the journey down, Aunty J kept saying how far the next petrol station was because she needed a wee stop, at some point. When Aunty J went to the loo,  K would open the boot of the car and push her head through my cage so I could play with her hair! My feet were not allowed to touch the ground because I had not had my 12-week injection, and could catch and die from some dog disease. I was delighted that a dog nappy was put in my cage because I also need a wee and had already learned at 11 weeks old that I should wee on that nappy. S always said how clever I was to learn that little trick so young. I love him praising me. 

                                                   Me when I got to Devon, I was a "dog tired"